|
| |
Five Steps to Meeting New People
Whether you’re moving to a new city, a new job, or just want to expand your social circle, these five tips can help you meet new people wherever you go. 1. Talk to Everyone – after years of watching a friend meet people easily everywhere he went, I ...
Games to Make your Baby Shower a Success
Described below are many baby shower games that will spruce up any baby shower. ABC’s Have each person write down each letter of the alphabet. Everyone has to name something that has to do with a baby for each letter. This game should be timed for about ...
Is It Possible To Earn A Fulltime Income Online?
Most of us have seen numerous adverts promoting programs that will earn us yachts and mansions for only a few dollars investment. Too good to be true? Unfortunately yes. Most of the time you will waste time and money with these programs. So is there a way ...
|
|
|
|
| |
Let's do the math. There are 6,517 celebrities, according to the Celebrity Census Bureau, applying the official "celebrity accounting method".
Of those, 86.5* are "revolting", again using the CCB's "celebrity accounting method", so nobody really wants to pay attention to their finer details.
Of the remaining 6,430.5 celebrities, 3,729.5* are male, using no particular accounting method. Who cares if they flash their front bumpers?
Of the remaining 2,701, 2100 pose in their birthday suits often, usually after their plastic surgeon makes a regularly scheduled emergency house call.
Of the remaining 601, just 79 have yet to wear their birthday suits in public, leading to persistent rumors of an undercover plot.
In February, 2004, the plot was uncovered. Janet's Jackson's exposure became the all-time top Internet search -- surpassing even the September 11 attack on America. Even Osama's sinister terrorists could not banish Americans to cyberspace as effectively as Janet Jackson, who obviously found a way to evade pop-up blockers.
Fortunately, nobody died from Janet Jackson's stunt. If only we could convince Osama to adopt the "Janet Jackson Method" in the future, we would all be much safer.
Which brings me to the point of this article: what's the big deal? Celebrity # 2623 reveals that she is almost as feminine as her brother. Big whoop-dee-do.
The Grammy Award organizers imposed a ten-second audio delay to prevent other celebrities from also seeking publicity. What?!? Isn't that what celebrities do? Isn't that their contribution to society? Garbage collectors collect garbage so we don't die of disease. Farmers grow food so we don't die of starvation. Celebrities seek publicity so we don't die of boredom.
Maybe it's just me, but I didn't know that part of the body had an audio track.
If they institute a ten-second audio delay, they should at least make it interesting. I say add a 30-second video delay, too. And why not make it really interesting? I'm a big fan of audience
participation. Why not ask the audience for a one-minute applause delay?
Of course, there was the predictable outcry about "the children". That outcry did not extend to the commercials. Like the one about the male potency drug. Or the one with children swearing.
This being a family column, I can't even pick on those commercials, which is the most frustrating torture a humor columnist can endure. Aaaarrrgh!
And did anybody notice what repugnant violence they slipped in around the commercials? Football. -- where half the players on each team exist just to bash into half the players on the other team. They are not even supposed to touch the ball. They are strictly there to maintain the required quota of violence. No outcry there.
And what about the streaker? Did you notice the security guards chasing him out onto the field so that everyone could get a good look at his birthday suit? Why didn't they chase him in the other direction? Did they accept a little payola? Who's investigating them? Where's the outcry?
When Janet Jackson showed just how deep her cleavage runs, where were the security guards? A conspiracy, perhaps? More payola? Or perhaps they knew the difference between full frontal (and backal and sidal) nudity on the one hand and just a little teasing in the other?
If you worry about "the children", why not get your kids decontaminated? Turn on a nice, wholesome station whose entire existence is dedicated to serving America's youth: MTV.
* Michael Jackson
About the Author
David Leonhardt writes the Happy Guy humor column:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html
and A Daily Dose of Happiness:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html.
He also wrote Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/happiness-self-help-book.html
and The Get Happy Workbook:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/happiness-workbook.html
Info@thehappyguy.com
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
Celebrities signing on for youth fundraiserMarion StarThe Charity-Celebrity event is the main fundraiser for efforts that help youth in the Marion community through the Marion County Youth Foundation. Applicants will be reviewed by the Recipient Evaluation Committee and must be between the ages of 10 and ... |
|
People in the News: CelebritiesColumbus DispatchCelebrity Headlines from AP The Dispatch app features breaking news, sports, weather, videos, movie times, gas prices, a flight tracker and much more. A judge on the British version of the TV singing competition The Voice, Black Eyed Peas musician ...and more » |
|
Celebrity Custody Battles: 10 Of The MessiestHuffington PostAs Usher's increasingly messy custody battle with ex-wife Tameka Foster has illustrated, celebrities don't always play nice when fighting for the kids. But Usher and his ex aren't the first famous pair to duke it out in public. Click through the slides ...and more » |
|
10 Pregnant Celebrities: Maternity Style TrendsCelebrity Baby ScoopFrom Reese Witherspoon's breezy summer dresses, to Alyson Hannigan's casual chic statements, to Kristin Cavallari's effortless feminine fashions, let's take a look at the latest maternity style trends from 10 pregnant celebrities. |
|