|
| |
Can Cats And Dogs Live Together As Friends?
Can cats and dogs live together without constantly being at war? It seems that they very often can. We often hear people claim to be a "cat person" or a "dog person", but browsing through the various pet forums it appears that there are many of us that ...
Scary Halloween Crafts
Looking for some great Halloween crafts for your Halloween party, haunted house, or just for trick-or-treaters? A fun craft is something that can keep you occupied for hours on end especially if you enjoy it. Here are some ideas that will hopefully set ...
The Personality of a Typical Capricorn
Your Capricorn Baby..December 23 - January 19Capricorn babies thrive on routine and order, which gives them the sense of security they need. They are usually even-tempered and self-contained. Capricorns can be strong-willed and will get what they want by ...
|
|
|
|
| |
Notification of publication would be appreciated.
Title: Is Mothering Wearing You Out?
Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com
Copyright: 2003 by Margaret Paul
Web Address: http://www.innerbonding.com
Word Count: 810
Category: Parenting
IS MOTHERING WEARING YOU OUT?
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
I always wanted to have children and I was completely thrilled when I had my first child. Nothing, however, prepares a mother for what its like to be responsible for a child 24/7.
Before my son was born, I had time time to read, to be creative, to spend time with friends, to take long baths, to spend time with my husband, to breathe. Suddenly there was no time for me. And, of course, after two more children, having any time for me became even more challenging.
Thats when I started getting sick. Not sick in the way you could name it just sick in the way of being fatigued all the time. As much as I loved being a mother as well as
continuing my practice as a psychotherapist, I was wearing out. Something had to change.
The real problem was in knowing how to take care of my children and myself, instead of just taking care of my children. I had been brought up to be a caretaker, which meant that everyones needs came before mine. That was really what was wearing me out. Not only that, but putting their needs before mine was creating children with
entitlement issues the more I put myself aside for them, the more they demanded and felt entitled to my time and attention.
Unfortunately, I didnt discover this problem until my children were adolescents. By that time I was headed for serious illness. My immune system was shutting down and
various doctors said I that if I didnt change my lifestyle, I would end up with cancer or something equally serious.
Its not easy to start to attend to yourself when youve always put others needs before your own. Yet for me it felt like a life-and-death situation. I had always been afraid that if I said no to my husband and children, I would discover that they really didnt care about me. I was afraid to find out that they wouldnt support me in learning to
take care of myself. Yet I finally reached the point where I was willing to lose them rather than continue to lose myself and my health.
It was at this point that I began to develop a strong spiritual connection, and Spirit eventually guided me toward a self-healing process which we now call Inner Bonding. (For a free
Inner Bonding course, see www.innerbonding.com). It was through practicing the six steps of this powerful
process that I was able to start taking care of myself while I was working and taking care of my family, and my health gradually returned.
I had always had enormous compassion for others but generally lacked compassion for myself. My challenge was to turn my eyes inward to my own feelings and needs instead of always being tuned in just to others feelings and needs. I needed to learn to treat myself as well as I treated others. I needed to learn to stand up for myself when my family demanded that I take care of them to the detriment of myself. I needed to learn to have the courage to withstand their anger when I didnt do just what they wanted me to do. I needed to learn to stand in my truth regarding what was loving to myself and others instead of trying to control their love with my compliance. Its been a long and sometimes painful road, but one with great rewards.
In a session with Renee, one of my clients, she told me that she was struggling with this same issue. She was exhausted most of the time, and often felt depressed. She told me of a recent incident that had happened with her nine-year old daughter, Sarah. Renee had told Sarah that she wanted to watch a particular TV program at 8:00 that night, so Renee wanted to make sure that Sarah didnt need anything from her after 8:00. When 8:00 came around after Renee had been spending time with Sarah, Renee said she was going to watch her TV program. Sarah said, Mom, so the TV program is more important than I am. Renee got confused by this, bought into the guilt, and gave into Sarah, thereby enabling Sarahs already strong entitlement issues. Then Renee felt even more exhausted and depressed.
What Renee needed to say to Sarah was, Honey, it is you who is being selfish in not caring about what is important to me and just wanting me to do what you want. I need you to care about me like I care about you. Then she needed to watch her program, thus taking care of herself and at the same
time role-modeling personal responsibility rather than enabling Sarahs entitlement issue by giving herself up.
Learning to take care of ourselves is essential for our own health and the health of our family.
About the Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or margaret@innerbonding.com.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
