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Bath Time Fun
Bath time can be fun or it can be a real hassle if your child is afraid or don’t like it. So we as mothers try to make it a fun time for our little ones! Then the problem will be getting them out! Color It Bubble bath can be irritating to little ones ...
Beyond the Words, a Child's Voice
Publishing Guidelines: You are welcome to publish this article in its entirety, electronically, or in print fre.e of charge, as long as you include you include the full byline, hyperlinks, references and Resource Box.E-mail or courtesy link appreciated ...
Too Many Divorces
My oldest boy asked me something the other day about all the news regarding the high divorce rate. I told him there aren't too many divorces, there's too many marriages. Most people get married without really knowing who they are marrying or just how ...
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When growing up, my father frequently reminded me to "pay attention to the details." That saying became very real to me in the area of parenting. While raising children, the details make great differences in development.
Being that children are people and not machines, the kind of detailing needed is different. Focusing on the externals of name brand clothing, perfect hair and having the most extensive collection of expensive toys are not the kind of attention needed. Such efforts will result in the child feeling rejected and learning to substitute material objects and appearances for love.
Children need the attention of their parents. The areas of their lives and abilities given attention will develop most. If the majority of parental attention is given to not standing correctly or not finishing tasks, these areas will develop further. In situations where habitual fault-finding occurs, the child eventually takes all that criticism inside and turns it on themselves. Such methods often lead to unmotivated children with low-self-esteem.
Many adult parents still carry emotional scars from harsh fault-finding from parents. A good common sense rule is, "If you would not let anyone talk to you like you talk to your child, you need to make some changes." Sadly, many children suffer in quiet desperation as victims of harsh treatment, that the parent justifies by telling themselves "it's for their own good," or "I only do it because I love them so much." Such displays are not experienced by the children as "love."
Children need attention given to the details of their
lives. The attention they need the most is from their parents. They need encouragement in specific and tangible terms. Statements like, "It puts a smile in my heart, when you show teamwork by playing nicely with your brother" make a child beam. Find them doing good things and bring that to their attention. Identify the specific talent, how it is used and your reaction to it. Train their young minds to search for their talents with the same kind of attention to detail that may have previous been devoted to fault-finding. It also helps to identify internal or character qualities to praise rather than external appearances.
By developing these qualities, the child will always carry those qualities with them, regardless of age. Children do want to please their parents. The challenge many children face is that they often do not know what does please their parents.
Focusing on the details when children do good is important. Such an approach is detailed enough for children to understand what they did good and how it made you feel. Parents often devote too much detail to fault-finding. When the attention to detail is directed to finding good, it results in motivated children with strong self-esteems. If the devil is in the details, perhaps the saints are also.
Jeffrey D. Murrah, LPC, LMFT, LCDC is The Results-Oriented Therapist specializing in marriage and family conflicts. Visit www.RestoreTheFamily.com to sign up for his free newsletter.
jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com
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New Straits Times |
Parenting on a tabletNew Straits TimesGood parenting is not easy but it is possible. As long as you strike a balance between technology and real-life experiences, your child will be fine. Children should spend time outside the house and not be glued to the computer all day. |
New Straits Times |
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The parallel universe of parentingFremont TribuneOne, is that parenting baby ducks is a difficult task. And two, some parents are better (or luckier) than others. Case in point is the current crop of ducklings that call this small, old sandpit home. The first batch that we noticed was a darker, ... |
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