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Fly Fishing – I Know Knot What I Do
When it comes to fly fishing, tying a knot is not the most glamorous of subjects. Without a knot, however, you’ll not be snatching the Muskie of your dreams. Fly Fishing Knots First thing first, we need to get the lingo down since we wont be using ...
Getting the Right Ballet Shoes
Ballet shoes are said to be the ballet dancer's best friend. If a ballet dancer has the wrong ballet shoes, catastrophe can occur. Ill fitting ballet shoes can cause a new dancer to never learn the proper techniques. Improper balance and injury can also ...
Humor and Guilt
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“Ravens Son Of Autumn”
When we brought Seth home to be a companion to our ten year old female lab Annie, we had forgot what it was like to be in “Puppyville.” This an elite club when you own Labradors. After having two chocolate labs for over twelve years, one forgets how wonderful it is to have a little six week old bundle of joy. A bundle of need, sharp teeth, a one half second attention span, and who knows that he rules this kingdom. Anything that he can remotely fit into his little puppy mouth is fair game. Nothing is sacred. You would think your toes, fingers, ears, hair, arms, and clothing would safe. Naught. What is yours is his. You will never be allowed out of his sight again without protest. You will never be allowed to speak harshly again. When those big sad Labrador eyes look at you after he has accomplished his daily deed of tearing the mail to shreds how can you be harsh when it was you yourself, who left the mail within his reach? Even if something is not in his reach it is fair game. Annie would get so tired of him she would get up on her bed, and lay as far against the wall that she could get, when Seth was too little to jump up on the bed, they would stare at each other and bark endlessly. Seth would then take whatever bedding he could get a hold of and start to rip and pull, hoping that he was strong enough to pull Annie right off the bed. So much for fine linens. When all was forgiven and Annie was reunited with Seth, he would crawl on top of her and take a nap. Not beside her, or cuddled into a little ball with her, on top of her. I decided to write the abc’s of Seth, with an introduction, which is turning out much longer than I expected. I wanted to give you the full idea of what it was like in “Puppyville.” This is the only way you can fully understand the following text. I have a girlfriend who’s daughter is picking up her baby lab this week, and I am excited to send this to her so she can understand that what she feeling is not totally insane for others who have gone down this path have experienced the same feelings.
Okay, here they are. I will list mine first, then following with be Seth’s.
A Anything
Is there anything in this house you will not chew?
A
I cannot seem to do anything in this house they call a home.
B Bark
Barking at 3 am is not acceptable
BI love to bark. Barking is fun. I bark at the kitties and they run and hid. I Bark at Annie in the middle of the night just for the pure joy of hearing my own bark. I do not see a problem with that.
C Collar You are not to hang onto Annie’s collar and go for a ride.
C I do not want a collar. I would rather just hang on to Annie’s and let her take me where ever she goes. I love Annie.
D Dog Kitties are not dogs. You are a dog, dogs do not chase kitties.
D Who cares if those little things are kitties? They have four legs, then run right in front of me, they have soft fur. I bet I could throw one high in the sky. They even have a wimpy growl. I am not afraid of kitties.
E Everything in this house is not your toy
E Everything in this house is mine. I love the laundry basket, wet wash cloths, dirty underwear, and socks. I love anything that smells like my Mom and Dad. The baskets are here for me to chew, the kitties are here for me to chase, and the food is all mine.
F Furniture You do not chew on the legs of the furniture
F If they are at my level, I can chew on them, I love to spit out the pieces of wood after I chew on them. I do not see a problem with furniture as long as I can jump up on it to be with Annie.
G Gender No, you do not need to think about your gender when you are barely four months old.
G I am Seth the Man. I will tell everyone and I want everyone to know that Seth Rules. I rule this house, and I will rule all the females in this town.
H Hearing Do you have selective hearing at four months old?
H I can hear my mama when she is calling me. It is good not to follow her every command. I have to keep her guessing. I have to show her who is the boss of the house. I can break her reserve when I give her my sad eyes and flatten my ears to my head which lets her think I am deeply shamed for the mess I made of the clean laundry.
I Interesting. No, it would not be interesting to see what is under the sink.
I There are a lot of things under the sink that are for me. Sponges to chew, Comet to knock over and roll on the floor, tin cans to lick and crunch. I do not understand why my mama does not understand this.
J Jugular No, Annie does not like to be chewed on her neck especially close to her jugular.
J I have not idea what this word means, but it is a good spot to hang on to Annie and bite. She has a double chin and lots of floppy skin on her neck. I have to show her who is dominant in this relationship.
K Kindergarten I know now Seth, why you flunked puppy kindergarten.
K Who need’s puppy kindergarten? I have everyone doing as I wish, I am happy and that is all that
counts. I rule this household. Puppy kindergarten is for losers.
L Litter Mate No, Annie will not trade your litter mate for her bone.
L I do love my littermate. He is soft and cuddly. He likes to sleep in my kennel with me, and he lets me be the boss. Don’t tell anyone but he is not a wimp. I can shake him and chew on him and throw him in the air and he does not care. M Mealtime Taking your dinner bowl with you everywhere you go does not mean you will get fed before it is time
M My favorite time of the day is mealtime. I invented the dinner dance. I can jump high in the air and land on all four of my feet. I can turn circles in the air, and I am better at doing the back flip than Scott Hamilton. I will send you a video of my wonderful dance for $9.95. And that is not all. Included in this one time offer is a picture of my bowl. Act now. This offer is not available in stores and will not be repeated.
N Nimbus I hate to tell you but I do not see this around your head. You may think it is there but it is not.
N I know that beacon of light that surrounds my head is there because I am an angel. My Mama and the world just does not see it yet.
O Odor What is the odor I smell?
O Odor? I do not smell anything. I did not do anything. It had to be the kitties.
P Paddle. If you go boop again in this house you are going to be up the creek without a paddle
P I don’t need a paddle in the creek. I have webbed feet. I am a Labrador. I have to go when I have to go, what do you expect ? I am just a baby puppy.
Q Quest I will be going an a quest to find that familiar odor. Is it behind the chair? Is it under the bed? Is it in the closet, or on the bottom of my shoe? Is it under the dining room table or under the desk? Or is it in a new secret place like in daddy’s shoes?
Q Maybe mama will get lost on her quest. I hope she packed a bag. I am sure the kitties did it anyway.
R Recognize Oh dear, can you recogonize this as being your slipper at one time or another?
R I like to put my special touch on my surroundings. I do not want anyone to forget who I am. Sorry Daddy, if that was your slipper. They cover up your toes anyway and make it hard for me to chew on them.
S Seth I do not yell “Seth” at the top of my lungs just to here myself yell.
S I love my name. I love to hear Mama say “I love you Seth” I love to look into her eyes while she holds me on her chest and sings to me while I go to sleep. I love to give her little nibbles on her ears, I tried to get milk from them but they do not work. I do love my Mama
T Ticking Sorry the sound of a ticking clock does not make him sleep through the night. I think that idea is surely a myth.
T I know the difference between a stupid clock and my Mama. They do not smell the same. A clock has no ears to suckle on. I am not falling for this trick. I will just whine and bark until she comes and gets me.
U Ultimatum Seth, you have two choices, either you take a time out in your kennel, or we ship you via UPS to Nigeria.
U Come on, can’t we be adults about this? I have done nothing wrong. I don’t know why the kitty won’t come out of the closet. I don’t know where Annie’s collar is. I did not leave that mess in the middle of the living room. Let’s be reasonable about this.
V Vodka I wonder if Vodka would help him sleep. Maybe I should drink one myself. Who needs sleep anyway?
V Who needs Vodka to sleep? I just need my Mama to hold me and I can sleep.
W Whippet Oh dear, can we exchange Seth for a whippet?
W
What??? That is not even a dog. That thing is only as big as my tail. That is like being protected by a kitty. Duh!!!!!
X Xenon Is that xenon we smell of did Seth cut one again? Whoops, don’t answer, xenon is odorless.
X I can produce any fragrance that is better than xenon. . Give me some extra greenies from my box of treats and I will show you how wonderful I can make the air smell.
Y You You are the one who wanted a dog. You get up and take him outside.
Y You are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me happy when I am blue, you are my best friend you are my mama, please don’t take my mama away.
Z Zoo Do you think the zoo would like a black Labrador?
Z
Zoo What? I am far to valuable to go to a zoo. Look at my beautiful brown eyes. I can turn my head to the side and give you that adorable sad look whenever I need to. It works so well when I need to get out of hot water. I can give you kisses on your toes, and blow air in your ears. If I so desire I can run quickly to you with my tail wagging and my face smiling. I can get you to forget what ever it was that you were going to give me a swat for. That is so demeaning. Life is good. Zoo’s are for zebras.
Written By Barbara Baker Copyright 2005. This article is not to be reproduced or copied without permission. http://www.emarketingextreme.com?id=seth2004
About the Author
Barbara Baker is a webmaster, author, and Internet Marketer with an extreme passion for herbs and labradors.
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