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to change our words, thoughts and beliefs. When we change the
words, we change the world.
Over the course of this handbook, you may discover a number of
beliefs that no longer support you. By following this simple,
three-step process, you can change your beliefs. By consciously
creating beliefs that support us, we can change our reality and
enhance our lives.
AWARENESS
The first and most important step towards changing our
beliefs and improving our lives is to become consciously aware
of our beliefs. We must identify each thought that shapes our
experiences. We have to name our thoughts. We must become
conscious of the exact words that we have been using to create
our realities. This is the first step towards mastering our
minds.
So much of our life is governed by our unconscious thoughts,
beliefs and patterns. We have lived with so many of these
thoughts for so long that we believe that they're actually real.
We tell ourselves "that's just the way things are." Many of
these thoughts are beliefs about who we are and what we're
entitled to--and almost all of these beliefs deny the truth of
who we are, limit our potential and cut us off from the source
of our happiness and prosperity.
We must become aware of our thoughts and beliefs. This handbook
is designed to support our awareness.
OWNERSHIP
Once we've become aware of a belief, the second step
is to own it. We must accept it. We must take personal
responsibility for it. We must recognize that the belief belongs
to us, and that it is a part of who we are. Most importantly, we
must accept that we created the belief.
This process is simple, but not always easy. We have to accept
and acknowledge that we are responsible for creating beliefs
that are often negative, painful, and limiting. On a conscious
level we tell ourselves that we would never do this. Why on
earth would we choose to believe that we are unworthy, damaged,
unlovable, unskilled, unlucky, or any of the millions of other
possibilities? Strange as it seems, even our most negative,
painful beliefs were created to serve and support us. Every
single one of our beliefs exists because the ego is trying to
protect us from pain. As painful as the belief itself may be,
the ego believes that the pain that the belief shields us from
is infinitely greater. Just because these beliefs no longer
serve us, doesn't mean that they are bad or wrong.
It's often easier to own a belief when we are able to identify
the origins of that belief. If we understand that we created a
belief to help us cope with a particular experience, we can
accept how that belief served us at the time. This process can
also help us to uncover beliefs we created because of things we
were told as children.
While it's often helpful to explore where and when we first
created a belief, we have to be careful. Our egos will encourage
us to deflect the responsibility for the beliefs to protect us.
It's one thing to recognize that we believe that we're not
worthy of being loved (for example) because our parents didn't
spend enough time with us. It's quite another to blame our
parents for creating this belief and ruining our lives. Our
parents didn't create the belief--we did. We interpreted an
experience, created assumptions around it, developed
expectations and created the belief. And until we accept this,
we can't change that belief.
Our egos can also interfere with the ownership process by
encouraging us to identify with the limiting belief. The ego can
trick us into reinforcing our negative beliefs, by turning those
beliefs back on us. Essentially, we tell ourselves that we're
unworthy because we created a belief that we're unworthy. We
beat ourselves up for beating ourselves up. Without awareness,
the ego has us coming and going.
If we become aware that
we've fallen into an ego trap, we simply
use our awareness to escape the trap. We need only remember that
every belief, no matter how limiting, served us well at one
time. Many beliefs were created to help us survive difficult and
painful situations in our past. However, we're no longer in
those situations. Our circumstances have changed, and we have
more experience and new skills that can serve us better now.
We've simply outgrown the need for the old beliefs. We can
release them because we have more elegant options available to
us now.
CHOICE
The third and final step is choice. Once we are aware of our
beliefs and own them, we have absolute control over them. We can
now choose to alter our beliefs, and change our reality. We have
the power to change our lives completely in an instant--we simply
need to choose to do so now. I'm sure you've heard similar
motivational statements from any number of sources. While it is
essentially true that we can change our lives with a simple
choice, it's also important to read the fine print: We have to
continue to make that same choice over and over and over and
over and over again. The now when we chose to change our lives
is already in the past. We have to keep choosing until our new
choices, expectations, and beliefs have become habit. We have to
continue to choose until our new choices become second nature to
us.
Our past experiences certainly influence us. They shape our
beliefs, and our expectations. As long as we continue to let
ourselves be guided by the past, we will create similar
experiences in the future. The past does not equal the
future--unless we choose to carry the past with us. The cliché,
"there's no time like the present" is not entirely correct. The
truth is that there's no time except the present. The only time
that matters is now. The past is irrelevant; the future does not
exist yet. The only place where we can act, where we can create,
where we can choose is now.
While the past does not need to influence or shape the future,
many of the choices and thoughts and expectations that we held
in the past are old habits--and as the saying goes, old habits
are hard to break. This is the one arena where the progress of
technology has almost eliminated a perfectly good metaphor.
Remember vinyl records? Those big things that came before CDs?
The groove of a record represents our old patterns. Records
could get scratched--that's one of the reasons that CDs are so
popular, actually--and a scratch represents a change or a break
in the old pattern. The only way to truly change the old pattern
is to interrupt it enough times that a new pattern starts to
form. Our patterns are exactly like grooves in records. The
older the pattern, the deeper the groove, and the more
interruptions it will take before we make any permanent changes
in the pattern. Each time we notice that we have reverted back
to our old, negative behaviors, we choose to take a different
path.
Sometimes we can get so caught up in our old patterns that it
seems like we can't stop ourselves. It's essential that we do
not beat ourselves up for not being able to change old habits
and behaviors on the first try (or even the second or third
try)! We may not have completely eliminated the pattern, but we
did change it: The fact that we were aware that we were acting
out an old pattern is, in itself, a change in that pattern. Each
time we encounter the pattern, we will become aware of it
sooner. Eventually, we will also be able to interrupt the
pattern. And when we can interrupt our old patterns, we have the
power to choose different, more elegant and supportive
responses.
About the Author
Kevin B. Burk is the author of The Relationship Handbook: How to
Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life. Visit
http://www.everyrelationship.com for a FREE report on creating
AMAZING Relationships.
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